Monday, April 23, 2007
Weirdness
Well I have been getting ready for my 21st party, Tonight I handed out the inverstations I do not know who is going if many people will or not. This brought up the topic of do you who do you invite and is it ok to invite every one but one persen from a group? Why is that question so complex? Well because the persen i was debating wever to invite I used to have so strong feelings for her. Now I still have some feelings though I don;t know what they are as they are no were near as strong. So how do I know I don;t still love her, well thats because I have started falling for a few other girls (most of them are rebound I know). Well actually it is slightly less and more complicated then that in that I don;t want to treat her any different to the other people from baywest. I have invited every one else from my last years bible study, and most of her friends so I gave her an inverstation that felt weird. Persenaly I don;t want her to come to the party if this wierdness brought on by us both ignoreing each other is going to contue and if the ignoring is going to stop for one night wells she is quiet welcome to come. I am not saying at the moment I want to be her best friend because that may bring back my emotions however to be on talking terms again and to have a random converstation about nothing know and then would be nice. (more or less the akwedness to stop.)
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Strength
My actions just latterly such as drinking have shown a large amount of weakness so I began thinking about what is strength. This is what I come up with:
Strength as a christian comes from knowing god and seeing the way he works. The knowing that god has always got your back, and to have expreienced the way he answers prayers, provides knowledge and heallings. As such a christian is at his weakest when we do not stand in this strength rather our own. For some that is because they do not know god well enough, others it is becasue we get side tracked or emotionaly drained and begin to place more importance on worldly things. Such as our emotional needs and physical needs above the need of God's and we forget god will look after each and every one of in his time and way. We only need to look to the writings of Paul in the bible and see what attitude we should have to pain suffering and the trials of this world. Yet so often as christians we fail do so, this is some thing I think so often we all need to repent from. You see as christians we should not worry to trust in god that every thing will be ok in the end. This does not justify acting in any sinful manner we desire, because our actions still have coniquences one of them being the amount of suffering Jesus had to experience for every sin. Rather gives us a peace of mind and the ability to rest in god.
Strength as a christian comes from knowing god and seeing the way he works. The knowing that god has always got your back, and to have expreienced the way he answers prayers, provides knowledge and heallings. As such a christian is at his weakest when we do not stand in this strength rather our own. For some that is because they do not know god well enough, others it is becasue we get side tracked or emotionaly drained and begin to place more importance on worldly things. Such as our emotional needs and physical needs above the need of God's and we forget god will look after each and every one of in his time and way. We only need to look to the writings of Paul in the bible and see what attitude we should have to pain suffering and the trials of this world. Yet so often as christians we fail do so, this is some thing I think so often we all need to repent from. You see as christians we should not worry to trust in god that every thing will be ok in the end. This does not justify acting in any sinful manner we desire, because our actions still have coniquences one of them being the amount of suffering Jesus had to experience for every sin. Rather gives us a peace of mind and the ability to rest in god.
Tuesday, April 3, 2007
Moving on
Well currently moving on with Love and with Drinking.
It has been 4 to 5 days at least know since my last alcoholic drink and about that again since I have been drunk, looks like the lord is helping me over come this problem. I actually went to the Uni bar today and did not buy any thing. OK not that bigger deal, done that several times before, however latterly with my drinking habits have been a bit of an issue so it is a step in the right direction, and one of the first times I have brought nothing when I have not had to drive any were latter. My aim is not to drink any thing till Easter then afterwards review the amount I drink.
The drinking actually began during the christmas holidays catching up with mates ect. once or 2 I acidentaly drank to much and got drunk, once or twice I figured what the just this once I can drink more then what the bible says is ok with these mates, did not really have a huge proublem, apart from the Sin well by that I mean I did not have a need for alcahole. This contunied during o-week then slowly as things bagan looking more gloomy I began drinking to get drunk thats when I had the real proublem. As I was drinking to drawn my thoughts drinking not for social reasens but to get drunk effectivly drinking to sin.
Part of the reasen was lady proublems still know I am moving on and getting over the young lady I liked as well, or I may even be 100% over her not 100% sure I mean I still love this person but just as any other brother and sister in Christ (in other words care heaps about her). This raises the problem of failing for other women, and how can stop this from happening because for various reasons I am to much of a mess at the moment to enter some of relationship, and same goes with being not back, and also to much of a mess to be wondering about what may happen between me and some other women. So moving on is great specially if I does not mean completely fall for another women 4 awhile. I mean their is still one or two crushes I have had forever but some different women have allso caught my eye but thats a different matter.
So why does love hurt me so much u may ask well you see love hurts because I have only ever none one girl to like me and she was my sister friend (2 or more years younger then me), she was suicidal at the time, weighed 3 times my body weight, had nothing in common, she liked the normal high school sort of things, I liked following politics act… I was a christian she was not, I am not saying I was to good for her because she was kind hearted but it would have never worked. Any way she died last year I think of a heart attack so yeah that explains why love hurts so much. Ow and one girl rang me as a prank once that’s about all though. While 7 girls have searously broken my heart and a few others have to a lesser extent. You have heard of sweet 16 and never been kissed well I am nearly 21 and never been kissed and never been out on a date asides from by family members when I was young and once or 2 in primary school if you count them from playing playing kiss and catch chassings.
Still ever time I fall for some one new I think maybe this time it will be different but then I get my heart riped out again. So yeah thats why I get down after a while when I fall for a women. I hope all of this does not start me drinking again as moving on makes me think about all this stuff. GOD please help me be strong
It has been 4 to 5 days at least know since my last alcoholic drink and about that again since I have been drunk, looks like the lord is helping me over come this problem. I actually went to the Uni bar today and did not buy any thing. OK not that bigger deal, done that several times before, however latterly with my drinking habits have been a bit of an issue so it is a step in the right direction, and one of the first times I have brought nothing when I have not had to drive any were latter. My aim is not to drink any thing till Easter then afterwards review the amount I drink.
The drinking actually began during the christmas holidays catching up with mates ect. once or 2 I acidentaly drank to much and got drunk, once or twice I figured what the just this once I can drink more then what the bible says is ok with these mates, did not really have a huge proublem, apart from the Sin well by that I mean I did not have a need for alcahole. This contunied during o-week then slowly as things bagan looking more gloomy I began drinking to get drunk thats when I had the real proublem. As I was drinking to drawn my thoughts drinking not for social reasens but to get drunk effectivly drinking to sin.
Part of the reasen was lady proublems still know I am moving on and getting over the young lady I liked as well, or I may even be 100% over her not 100% sure I mean I still love this person but just as any other brother and sister in Christ (in other words care heaps about her). This raises the problem of failing for other women, and how can stop this from happening because for various reasons I am to much of a mess at the moment to enter some of relationship, and same goes with being not back, and also to much of a mess to be wondering about what may happen between me and some other women. So moving on is great specially if I does not mean completely fall for another women 4 awhile. I mean their is still one or two crushes I have had forever but some different women have allso caught my eye but thats a different matter.
So why does love hurt me so much u may ask well you see love hurts because I have only ever none one girl to like me and she was my sister friend (2 or more years younger then me), she was suicidal at the time, weighed 3 times my body weight, had nothing in common, she liked the normal high school sort of things, I liked following politics act… I was a christian she was not, I am not saying I was to good for her because she was kind hearted but it would have never worked. Any way she died last year I think of a heart attack so yeah that explains why love hurts so much. Ow and one girl rang me as a prank once that’s about all though. While 7 girls have searously broken my heart and a few others have to a lesser extent. You have heard of sweet 16 and never been kissed well I am nearly 21 and never been kissed and never been out on a date asides from by family members when I was young and once or 2 in primary school if you count them from playing playing kiss and catch chassings.
Still ever time I fall for some one new I think maybe this time it will be different but then I get my heart riped out again. So yeah thats why I get down after a while when I fall for a women. I hope all of this does not start me drinking again as moving on makes me think about all this stuff. GOD please help me be strong
Truth and Love
Truth and Love
Well this post was the one I said would be up in the next few days on the 4th of March nearly a month latter its up. Ok another thing to note, most of the reactions here are because of prevouse experences so the people involved should not feel guilty, blame them selfs or any thing else.
The first thing I will bring up even before entering into any over discussions is there is different levels of truth. The first of these is God’s TRUTH: I believe in a all knowing god who sees the TRUTH behind every word spoken and every action. This happens in away even we often can not understand because of the greater picture that he sees. This allows him to see the truth in away no one else can. He also knows us better then even we know our self’s. Gods truth is absolute truth. There is a few ways we can begin to see parts of God’s truth. This is in his word : (The Holy Bible) and through various ways with the help of the Holy Spirit / Holy Ghost. I will explore this in a latter blog.
The second context of truth is the truth according to our own eyes. While to some extent we understand the way we act, our past, our emotions and our interactions with others, we only see a limited picture of the truth according to our own eyes. This will be different, too the “truth” through some one else’s eyes because they see a different picture according to their own experiences and personality. This goes with out saying conflicts arise because of these conflicting constructed truths in the people minds. While we all at times try to get to bottom of these differences truth to resolve conflicts act. 2, or 3 or even thousands of these truths rarely in this context uncover a fraction of the absolute truth as this is to complex the best we can hope for is to resolve conflicts act….
Why am I going on about truth when this post is meant to be on romantic love? Well for several reasons 1: Knowing were you stand with some one when you are begging to fall for them may result in you not being as hurt as it maybe possible to restrict your emotions or at least prepare your self for the bad news. I thought of this point as I fell for a Girl / Women who seemed to be a friend (A different friend to the non-Christian one that I have told some of you about), she was funny, made me laugh and provided entertainment into my life then every thing backfired.
Any way continuing with what happened I thought their was a out side chance of some thing more, but I was not going to pursue any thing as I valued her friendship to much. Any way after I had completely fallen for her, I found out through another mate she was using msn messenger quite a-lot, she had previously told me she is not worth adding because she is never online (do not know if that’s the truth or a lie), any way I asked him to, to ask her if he could give me her address and found out she did not want me to have it. This ripped my heart out yet again, it seemed not only had my heart been broken I had lost one of the few people who actually made me laugh as a friend. Those of you who know me know that I often take things very seriously, any way I latter found out the reason was because of both our skills to communicate on the internet and especially mine because of my dyslexia.
Part of the reason why I did not understand this was actually because of this problem of me communicating on the internet so it was a fair call by her. Any way even if she did dislike me, in ways they would be justified as over the years I have developed a habit of often making mean jokes about girls that I notice are some what attractive and are kind and caring to stop me from falling for them. Others I just more or less completely ignore and others I use both tactics, this happens on a subsequences level, because every girl I have fallen for has knocked me back when I have asked them out. I am sorry to all the girls out there who I have done this to.
I often treat people who I consider could be mates in a similar manner with the names any way because of the years of being called names, because of the years of having glass bottles thrown at my head. God is slowly helping me work through these problems, I wish that he choose to this insistently but he is choosing to use the people in his body to do so praise the lord. As we should look to the God, who shows us the truth of how we should interact with one and another.
Anyway I have since began to get over her, still the friendship is very weird at the moment though. & in a funny way I am glad this happened because it has made me aware of wounds that I thought were healed and are still not. The fact this women went some way to heal some of the wounds through providing the glimpse of hope is also some thing good and in the long run I am proubly one step closer to being restalled. This story also highlights how differing aspects of the truth help create a mess and how with more of the truth coming out earlier I would not have been as hurt. Ironically through the period in which I was in pain I began drinking. You see the break down of the friendship / fellowship in Christ created to losses laughing regally and the small hope of something happening romantically. This was only small as I could not imagine a young adult like her falling for a guy like me and I was not going to act on these emotions. For awhile I turned from God’s hope, as because this person was Christian and I misguidedly believed perhaps god had some thing to do this relationship to help build hope for some small things going may way in this world for once to the hope that comes in the bottle (wine port, and beer mainly). Know I see clearly again I am dealing with that problem, Praise the lord he is helping me to sin less – through talking to brothers and sisters in Christ and a few other things, Victories through Christ come one day at a time at the moment, as God has made me more aware of Sins in my life and is calling me to deal with them.
Hope no one takes offence to this and its a fair portrait of events. I was going to post on how white lies and lies are the same and are sinful as they are the absence of truth, and also how thinking badly of a member of the body of Christ to the extent you do not want contact with them is a reflection of your sins as well as perhaps theirs. But the circumstances of the case changed since 4th of March.
Well this post was the one I said would be up in the next few days on the 4th of March nearly a month latter its up. Ok another thing to note, most of the reactions here are because of prevouse experences so the people involved should not feel guilty, blame them selfs or any thing else.
The first thing I will bring up even before entering into any over discussions is there is different levels of truth. The first of these is God’s TRUTH: I believe in a all knowing god who sees the TRUTH behind every word spoken and every action. This happens in away even we often can not understand because of the greater picture that he sees. This allows him to see the truth in away no one else can. He also knows us better then even we know our self’s. Gods truth is absolute truth. There is a few ways we can begin to see parts of God’s truth. This is in his word : (The Holy Bible) and through various ways with the help of the Holy Spirit / Holy Ghost. I will explore this in a latter blog.
The second context of truth is the truth according to our own eyes. While to some extent we understand the way we act, our past, our emotions and our interactions with others, we only see a limited picture of the truth according to our own eyes. This will be different, too the “truth” through some one else’s eyes because they see a different picture according to their own experiences and personality. This goes with out saying conflicts arise because of these conflicting constructed truths in the people minds. While we all at times try to get to bottom of these differences truth to resolve conflicts act. 2, or 3 or even thousands of these truths rarely in this context uncover a fraction of the absolute truth as this is to complex the best we can hope for is to resolve conflicts act….
Why am I going on about truth when this post is meant to be on romantic love? Well for several reasons 1: Knowing were you stand with some one when you are begging to fall for them may result in you not being as hurt as it maybe possible to restrict your emotions or at least prepare your self for the bad news. I thought of this point as I fell for a Girl / Women who seemed to be a friend (A different friend to the non-Christian one that I have told some of you about), she was funny, made me laugh and provided entertainment into my life then every thing backfired.
Any way continuing with what happened I thought their was a out side chance of some thing more, but I was not going to pursue any thing as I valued her friendship to much. Any way after I had completely fallen for her, I found out through another mate she was using msn messenger quite a-lot, she had previously told me she is not worth adding because she is never online (do not know if that’s the truth or a lie), any way I asked him to, to ask her if he could give me her address and found out she did not want me to have it. This ripped my heart out yet again, it seemed not only had my heart been broken I had lost one of the few people who actually made me laugh as a friend. Those of you who know me know that I often take things very seriously, any way I latter found out the reason was because of both our skills to communicate on the internet and especially mine because of my dyslexia.
Part of the reason why I did not understand this was actually because of this problem of me communicating on the internet so it was a fair call by her. Any way even if she did dislike me, in ways they would be justified as over the years I have developed a habit of often making mean jokes about girls that I notice are some what attractive and are kind and caring to stop me from falling for them. Others I just more or less completely ignore and others I use both tactics, this happens on a subsequences level, because every girl I have fallen for has knocked me back when I have asked them out. I am sorry to all the girls out there who I have done this to.
I often treat people who I consider could be mates in a similar manner with the names any way because of the years of being called names, because of the years of having glass bottles thrown at my head. God is slowly helping me work through these problems, I wish that he choose to this insistently but he is choosing to use the people in his body to do so praise the lord. As we should look to the God, who shows us the truth of how we should interact with one and another.
Anyway I have since began to get over her, still the friendship is very weird at the moment though. & in a funny way I am glad this happened because it has made me aware of wounds that I thought were healed and are still not. The fact this women went some way to heal some of the wounds through providing the glimpse of hope is also some thing good and in the long run I am proubly one step closer to being restalled. This story also highlights how differing aspects of the truth help create a mess and how with more of the truth coming out earlier I would not have been as hurt. Ironically through the period in which I was in pain I began drinking. You see the break down of the friendship / fellowship in Christ created to losses laughing regally and the small hope of something happening romantically. This was only small as I could not imagine a young adult like her falling for a guy like me and I was not going to act on these emotions. For awhile I turned from God’s hope, as because this person was Christian and I misguidedly believed perhaps god had some thing to do this relationship to help build hope for some small things going may way in this world for once to the hope that comes in the bottle (wine port, and beer mainly). Know I see clearly again I am dealing with that problem, Praise the lord he is helping me to sin less – through talking to brothers and sisters in Christ and a few other things, Victories through Christ come one day at a time at the moment, as God has made me more aware of Sins in my life and is calling me to deal with them.
Hope no one takes offence to this and its a fair portrait of events. I was going to post on how white lies and lies are the same and are sinful as they are the absence of truth, and also how thinking badly of a member of the body of Christ to the extent you do not want contact with them is a reflection of your sins as well as perhaps theirs. But the circumstances of the case changed since 4th of March.
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)